Deer Above the Mantle
by scarfganini
Summary: Everything settled, everything starts again. The Akatsuki have a new visitor, a girl by the name of Tsuki. And, unwittingly, she draws the attention of both Zetsu and Deidara. which leads to new problems. a few side pairings, mainly Tsuki and Zetsu.
1. Beginning again

Quick introduction, apologies to those of you with short attention spans, it makes the fanficiton a better read.

First and foremost, this is...sort of... a sequel to 'without a wand'. Meaning that it is written in the pretense that without a wand happened first. So, quickly as I can, I'm going to run over the point you absolutely need to know.

Number one, Itachi is married. Yes. Stop wigging out, it wasn't so brief as that. The shocker is, his wife is now Luna Lovegood. You're shaking your head, or having a panic attack, giggling uncontrollably, or closing this window now, aren't you.

The next thing is, not only was Itachi in love with her, but so was Deidara. The poor boy lost, however. For lack of ideas, Zetsu also fell. He as well was turned down, and you have our dilemma.

Kisame ended up seeing a girl by the name of Lettuce. (Midorikawa.)

Itachi likes checkers, Kisame likes ping pong, but sucks at it, and Deidara supplies magazines to the whole organization, not on purpose. And Hidan's a freak.

Leader-san is a squib. (Hence Luna's admission into the Akatsuki.)

That should do it. One more thing, I'm afraid. I'll make it quick.

This fanficiton is using a character, Tsuki, that is not mine, but taken from an online acquaintance of mine, Tsuki50. I took a scene or two, a scenario or two, from her fanficiton, which starts off similarly. Except from a different point of view. So a great deal of credit goes to her, for the character and a few scenes. And support.

And now, with a quick word of all characters and most settings belong to Kishimoto, continue on your way.

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It was now several months after Itachi and Luna had finally come back from Hawaii. Deidara had trimmed his hair back right after the wedding to show loss of love, but he hadn't had the guts to cut enough off to last. So it had now all grown back. (He loves his hair.) Things were, to an extent, back to normal. Except the, you know, whole Itachi was (O.o) married and stuff.

Deidara never fully got over Luna. But he did, however, give up thoroughly enough that he had begun to act normal and annoying again. Zetsu...you never could tell what Zetsu was feeling. So no one could really tell. He did spend a little more time than usual staring at walls, even non-painted ones, which come to think of it he was used to anyway, but otherwise he acted the same.

Other than that, Kisame was now out almost every night, and was, too the knowledge of Luna and Itachi, seeing Lettuce. He never said anything, but Luna could tell, being Luna and all. Hidan had decided he really hated chess and had added it to the list that already included arm wrestling, thumb wars, any card game there is, and monopoly. (The idea that fake money isn't any good was too appalling.) Konan had developed a sort of addiction to strawberry ice cream.

And that's it.

Yet things chance so fast. (Why don't they just stay the same for once?)

It was a normal Tuesday evening, the Akatsuki lounge was full. Tobi was rummaging through tattered board games and narrating the whole search to a head aching Deidara, who was attempting to ignore him by burying himself in a new novel. (He'd taken up mysteries, as romance was getting him down as of late.) Konan was staring at the ceiling, contemplating going for a walk, as she was incredibly bored and out of ice cream. Itachi was playing (you guessed it) checkers with Hidan, Luna as their spectator. Hidan, as it turns out, is barely better at checkers than he is at ping-pong. Speaking of which, Kisame, (not yet gone out for the night.) was hitting the ping-pong ball at the wall as everyone refused to play with him. Zetsu was in a corner with a stack of Deidara's magazines, just reading through the stack. (Of course, there was much bickering about who got to read what first.) And once again, Leader-san was out of sight in his office, probably plotting against trivialities again, possibly throwing darts. (He'd ordered a dartboard recently; he took a sort of savage pleasure in taping pictures to it.) And finally, Kakuzu was flipping through channels on the old TV with an expression appropriate to one trying to live through an hour or two of history.

"Oooh, remember this one, Deidara?" Tobi said excitedly, withdrawing Clue from the large barrel of broken board games. "You were always miss Scarlet, you never-"

Deidara punched the board game out of Tobi's hands: it landed on Itachi and Hidan's chess game.

"Aw, come on, Deidara!" Hidan complained. "I was about to win!"

"You had three pawns and a knight left." Luna reminded him, earning a scowl in reply.

"That's it, you know what?" Deidara stood from the orange pouf he'd been rested on. "I'm going out, this is ridiculous." He dropped his book onto the pouf, and without another word stormed out into the halls.

"Where do you think he's going?" Tobi asked Konan, who happened to be sitting closest.

"I don't know, Buy a hairdryer or something." Konan rolled her eyes. "How would I know where he goes for fun?"

Tobi's eyes lit up. Well, I think. That mask again. "Tobi is a good spy!" he exclaimed. "I'll find out!"

And he scampered after the now out-of-sight Deidara.

Konan watched him leave, then turned her gaze over to the wall, where there was a certain splotch of dry paint. "Well, at least he's gone," she told no one in particular.

No one in particular nodded in agreement.

Deidara and Tobi didn't return for quite the while, Kisame had left and come back by the time he did.

In fact, no one saw him slip in at all. It was morning before voices were heard.

"What do we do now, Deidara?" Tobi was asking.

"I don't know!" Deidara snapped back, obviously very frustrated. "I should have gone faster, but that wouldn't have been any fun."

"Well, you should talk to leader-san!"

"No way in hell!"

"But you should! He'll find out anyway. Like he did with Luna!"

Deidara wrinkled his nose. He was going to be in so much trouble...

"Maybe you won't get in trouble!" Tobi reassured him in a failing attempt to be helpful. "Itachi wasn't in trouble..."

Deidara turned to glare at Tobi, who cowered slightly. "Luna was special." He said stiffly. "She was useful, a great addition. Of course he wouldn't be angry. This girl..."

"We'll find a way to make her helpful!"

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll leave that up to you."

"Great! Tobi will make her useful while you go talk to leader-san!" Tobi beamed happily and rather untouchably from inside that annoying mask of his.

Something rolled over and made mumbling noises.

Deidara swore through gritted teeth.

"You shouldn't say things like that, Dei-"

"Shut up." Deidara turned abruptly and went... away. Somewhere Tobi wasn't.

"Bye, Deidara!" Tobi called after him in an infuriating sort of way.

Once Deidara was gone, Tobi turned his attention to the slowly waking girl lying on the bright blue couch in his cave. (Deidara had downright refused to keep her in his cave.)

Tobi poked her.

She rolled over.

He poked her again.

And again.

"I'm awake! I'm awake!" She yelled, springing quickly into a sitting position. "Oh."

"Hello!" Tobi waved cheerfully.

"Ah!" She looked mildly surprised, but rather pleased. "Tobi!"

"That's me!" He assured her happily, still waving, as he had nothing else to do with his arm.

She waved back. "Um..."

"Yes?"

"This is the Akatsuki hideout?" She whispered excitedly.

"Yes!"

A delighted sort of grin crept over her face.

"You look happy!" Tobi told her, as he is a good spy and noticed.

She nodded. "I am, I've admired the Akatsuki for so long, I can't believe I'm actually here!"

"I was very impressed with how you kept up last night!" Tobi told her contentedly. "Deidara isn't, though, he's rather upset, because leader-san might get mad at him."

"...Oops."

"It's ok! Tobi waved it aside like it wasn't a problem. "You probably won't be killed."

"Probably?"

"Probably!"

There was a sort of silence.

"What's your name?" Tobi asked at last.

"Tsuki," Tsuki told him.

"It's a good name," Tobi told her.

"...Thanks!"

"Deidara didn't say we had to stay here, do you want to go somewhere?"

"Where would we go?"

"This isn't the only room in the hideout, this is my room! There's Deidara's room, only don't go in there because he gets mad, Kakuzu's room, only don't go in there because that's where he hides his money, Hidan's room, only don't go in there because it's got bloodstains everywhere, Konan's room, only don't go in there because she screams about female privacy, Kisame's room, only don't go in there because it smells like sea salt, Zetsu's room, only don't go in there because the whole thing's overgrown and you'll trip, there's Itachi's room, only don't go in there because the entrance is a solid wall and it's impossible anyway, and there's Luna's room. You can go in there, but ask first because she's nice."

Tsuki thought for a moment. "Well, where _can_ I go?"

"The Akatsuki lounge! And there are lots of uninhabited caves that are fun."

"Then let's go there, please!"

"Caves or lounge? I mean, I suppose the lounge is essentially a cave, but I mean the other caves that aren't anything but a cave like this one cave that's got a hole in the top and a tunnel to Itachi's room...it's too small for me but Luna uses it sometimes or at least used to use it..."

"Do you always ramble so much?"

"Do I always what?"

"Nevermind."

In the end, Tsuki found herself being led happily to the Akatsuki lounge by a rather carefree Tobi. For lack of interest in this point of view, let's change to one I haven't done yet.

Life was good. And Hidan sucked at checkers. He had demanded a rematch this morning, owing to the destruction of the last match. And Itachi was beating the crud outta him.

"You can't do that, Hidan. It's against the rules."

"Since when do I care about rules??"

"Go bleed somewhere and leave checkers for the mature people."

Hidan made a face, and pulled a pocketknife from nowhere and cut off a finger, just to show he could. (Ew.)

"NOT ON THE CHECKERS SET!"

Hidan leered at him, holding his leaky hand over the board ominously. "I could just stain it permanently..." He threatened, and Itachi whacked his head with a conveniently placed bookbag (Deidara's), which knocked him onto the floor. (Saving the checkers board from any harm.)

"That's it, No more rematches. You suck at checkers- point blank." Itachi told him, dropping the bookbag (full of books) onto Hidan. Who then chose several words to spit at Itachi, none of which I feel comfortable relaying.

"I hate checkers anyway!!" He scowled, sticking out a (very mature) tongue.

One more for that list of his.

Itachi, however, was already clearing the little wooden pieces back into their box, (no plastic for him,) and did not listen.

"Oi!" Hidan yelled, shoving Deidara's bookbag off of him and standing up. "Listen to me when I swear at you, you-" Hidan broke off. ", who's that?" he snorted, looking over at the cavern entrance. Itachi followed his gaze. The first thing to catch his eye, as always, was a certain adorable witch. But looking just past her, she was talking to Tobi and... who the hell was that?

"...The ..." Hidan was muttering to himself, not noticing the spreading stain on his cloak. (He had his hand resting on his leg)

Itachi made his way towards the small gathering in the doorway, putting his hand on Luna's shoulder.

"Hello, Itachi." She said, without turning around. He squeezed her shoulder in way of return greeting.

"What's going on?" He asked her, motioning towards the young lady by Tobi. "I don't know her."

"This is Tsuki," Luna informed him, "Deidara brought her back by accident."

"That _idiot_!" Itachi groaned. Konan came up behind him.

"Hey, you brought someone as well." She told him teasingly, putting a hand on Luna's head.

Itachi glared at her. "She was kidnapped. I did nothing."

"But you certainly benefited."

Itachi smirked. "True," He told her, pulling Luna from under Konan's hand and hugging her smugly, as to prove his point.

Konan then turned her attention to Tsuki. "Hey, I'm Konan," She said, holding out a hand. "Good to see you, we need more femininity around here." (Femininity is a funny word.)

"Tsuki," Tsuki said, taking Konan's hand. "Thanks! I'll do my best about that."

"So...what's going to be done?" Itachi asked, directing the question at the only person who might know, Tobi.

"Deidara's gonna talk to Leader-san"- the whole room smirked –"and see if she can stay, and then we keep her!"

"Doesn't she have a family or something?" Kisame said, as he and really the rest of the Akatsuki (that had been in the lounge at the time) had come up to see the commotion.

"We could kill them." Kakuzu shrugged. "Then she wouldn't."

"Oh, don't," Luna said, having noticed Tsuki's worried expression. "That would make her unhappy, don't you think?"

"Fine..." Kakuzu, despite his surrender, decided to sulk a bit.

"We'll figure something out," Luna said. "Until then, where is she staying?"

"She slept in my room last night," Tobi said cheerfully. (Isn't he always)

Konan shook her head. "That won't do at all, Tobi." She tutted, and Tobi looked at her innocently.

"Why?"

"Frankly, you're a boy."

"A good boy!"

"Yes, Tobi, I good boy. Continue to keep her in your room, and that reputation may be compromised."

Tobi still looked confused, but it didn't matter. Konan had already decided. "She's staying with me until we find the right cave for her." She said, pulling Tsuki next to her.

"Okay!" Tsuki said, as she rather felt like a prop and thought that since props don't talk she ought to do just that to make it clear that she wasn't. A prop, that is. Am I the only one who thinks that last sentence (or two) was incredibly confusing and ought to be revised even though it won't be? I don't care. Onward.

"Alright, let's go get you settled. I hope you like ice cream," She said, and pulled Tsuki enthusiastically forward. Tsuki followed happily, as getting somewhere to stay was closer to staying.

There was silence as the Akatsuki in general watched their backs shrinking into the distance.

"Anyone for ping-pong?" Kisame asked finally, and everybody went back to what they were doing. He simply grumbled and went out for a walk.

Deidara was pacing a small, low-ceilinged cave that had just the right shape for pacing. It was located in a labyrinth of tunnels and small caves that most Akatsuki members avoided for fear of being lost (even if they could just break through the walls to get out). Deidara, however, had memorized them on account of being very bored and needing somewhere to go where Tobi couldn't follow.

This was his pacing chamber.

He rarely needed it, although in the past year or so he'd spent a lot more time here, just thinking. About... 'stuff'. And now there was something else to be thought about.

He could just walk away and act innocent- to Leader-san, that is, and the topic of Tsuki. He could avoid the subject as long as possible... but the longer he waited the guiltier he would become and the scarier Leader-san would become and when he finally found out (which wouldn't take long, he realized, as he'd left Tsuki with Tobi and by now he would bet his life the whole Akatsuki knew), at least scarier than what he would have been if Deidara didn't just step up to take the blame now.

Well, there was really only one choice.

Deidara groaned and forced his feet to move out of the pacing chamber and towards the labyrinth exit closest to Leader-san's office.

"Hello, Deidara."

Leader-san was facing away from the office entrance, on his large rolly-chair. Again. He thought it made him more intimidating.

Well, it had worked the first few times, but then it gets old.

"Um, Hello, Leader-san."

Pein swung himself around to face his subordinate. "You had business, I assume?" He asked.

"Sort of..."

"You have business or you don't, Deidara."

Deidara hesitated. It wasn't to late to run...

But yes it was, because nobody disturbed Leader just to say 'hi', so he must have business. If he said he didn't, Leader-san would get suspicious.

"Yeah." He said nervously. "I...um...made a mistake..."

"Kisame makes three a day. I can handle it."

Deidara heard the words, but they didn't exactly make him feel any better. He began to fidget, kneading stray clay as a nervous habit. "Well...it's a rather large mistake."

Pein frowned. "Please tell me Tobi's still alive."

"Tobi's fine..." Deidara said slowly.

"Spit it out, then. I haven't got all day."

"I lead some girl here." Deidara muttered, looking down. "She stayed the night and wants to know if she can stay...longer, I guess."

Leader-san groaned. "What did you tell her."

"I told her that she could stay if she kept up with me." Deidara said, quick as he could.

Pein turned himself back around in his chair. What a fix. Well, he had to do something, or he wasn't much of a leader. He could just yell at Deidara and kick her out, of course, and that was fun. But not exactly practical.

"Tell you what," he said finally, turning back to face his minion. "Let me talk with her. We'll figure this out somehow."

Deidara sighed with relief. That wasn't so bad. "Okay." He said briefly, and turned to leave.

"Deidara!" Pein called, just as he was about to walk out the door. "Dish duty, three weeks!"

Ugh.

(Note- dish duty is washing the dishes after one of Pein's weekly Akatsuki dinners- and there're a lot of dishes. ...I mean a _lot_.)

Deidara, worn out by the idea of spending a good two hours working three weeks in a row with that mountain of dishes, dragged himself into the Akatsuki lounge to finish the Nancy Drew novel he'd been working on. He'd put his feet up and forget about it until he had to actually do something. No use crying over spilt milk...although most of the time he was the one who spilled other people's milk. (Please take a moment for a mental image of Gaara being sad because Deidara knocked over his glass of milk.)

And that's just what he did. (Relaxed, not spilled Gaara's milk.) But he had only just opened the book when it was taken from his hands by a rather irritated Hidan. "What the #! did you do??" He yelled, and Kakuzu looked up momentarily as he had sensed the money sign hidden in Hidan's swear.

"Woke up, got out of bed..."

"Not that, the girl, you !!"

Deidara grabbed his book back angrily. "Just go screw yourself."

"Go screw YOUR MOM!" Hidan yelled back.

There was a silence.

"I knew that comeback was cool!" Kakuzu called.

"It's not!" Deidara snapped, slightly queasy.

"Wait a minute!" Hidan said slowly, his eyes widening. "Deidara's got a soft spot...!" He grinned evilly. Deidara glared at him. "Deidara's a mamma's boy!" He cried to the whole common room. Everyone looked over.

And laughed.

"Oh, god, just kill me now!" Konan giggled, over in an armchair. (She had left Tsuki in the room to explore a bit. She didn't feel like sticking around, I guess.)

Zets2 was roaring with laughter, and zets1 was almost reduced to tears. (wouldn't it be weird if only one of them started crying?)

"Shut the hell up!" Deidara roared, a sort of poisonous fury speckling his glare.

"Oooh, defensive!" Kakuzu snorted.

Deidara punched him.

"And all this time we thought he didn't like 'your mom' jokes because he thought they were lame!" Hidan gasped, doubled over with silent laughter.

Deidara, about ready to pull his hair out, stormed from the lounge. Those complete morons! Just because they all had broken families. (not saying he actually is a mamma's boy.)

He found himself walking towards the maze of tightly woven tunnels he had become so familiar with. Because that was the only place he couldn't be found. So, he headed towards a cramped, corner-y cave he knew was perfect for sulking, and almost tripping over a small lump on the floor.

Which turned out to be a small girl, huddled up.

"What the- oh." Deidara glowered. "It's you."

Tsuki looked up. "I...I got lost." She said shakily. Apparently she had been quite frightened.

"Well you shouldn't have come here, it's impossible to find your way out."

"You seem to know where you're going."

"Yeah, well, I'm special."

Tsuki didn't seem to know what to say to this remark, so she stayed quiet. Deidara sighed. "Fine, you know what? I need you to come with me anyway. Leader-san wants to talk to you."

Tsuki's face brightened a bit, and helped herself up. Deidara, who was still in a bad mood, grabbed her arm and pulled her along the long and winding road...erm...path...that led to near Leader-san's office.

Through the corridors, down this hall...and there was the tunnel that led straight into Leader-san's chamber. "Here." He said, and pulled her straight into Leader-san's chamber without knocking.

Pein was sitting on his desk, throwing darts at the chair with enough force to send it spinning in circles and chuckling to himself.

Deidara stopped and stared, and Tsuki looked a bit confused. "Is he... always like that?" she asked quietly, attracting Pein's attention.

He looked wildly over his shoulder and promptly fell off his desk in surprise. "You... don't- don't come in without knocking!" He spluttered angrily, sitting himself down in his chair and onto one of he darts, although he managed to not jump up embarrassingly. (This meant, however, that he was sitting upon a rather sharp pointy object that was poking him in uncomfortable places, and it _really_ hurt...)

"What...what do you want." He said gruffly, regaining his composure.

Of course, not in time to stop Deidara's snorts of laughter. (Well, at least his bad mood is gone.)

"Tsuki, sir, you told me to bring her." He said, gesturing towards the girl standing timidly next to him.

"Um, hi." Tsuki said nervously, not knowing whether she should laugh a little as well (it had been rather ridiculous,) or bow, or something. She compromised by nodding her head and giving a little nervous laugh.

Pein didn't notice, as he was in extreme discomfort. "Yes, yes, that's all well," he said hurriedly, not really paying attention.

"So you meet her now." Deidara prompted, giving Tsuki a little push to go say hello or something.

"H-hi," Tsuki said again. "I'm Tsuki, um..."

"Tsuki, yes, alright, I am Pein, although you shall address me as Leader-san." If only he wasn't a #Q! squib, he could vanish the damn thing...

"So can she stay?" Deidara asked, not wanting to stay for idle chat.

Pein had no intentions of letting them stay for idle chat, as he wanted them out of there so he could get off the needle that was currently stuck in his rear. "Sure, fine, just don't expect me to be bothered with her. Now shoo...I'm busy."

"Busy, huh?" Deidara snorted. "Yeah. Yeah, alright, we'll leave." But all the same, he was happier.

Tsuki breathed a sigh of relief (so did Pein) as Deidara hustled her from the shadowy cave.

"So...so I can stay!" She said, feeling happier now that she was outside Leader-san's office. There was a sort of aura in there, it was rather frightening.

"Yeah, you can stay." Deidara confirmed, grinning as well, mainly because it had been so funny seeing Leader-san brought down a notch, but there was also something else he was happy about.

They walked in a comfortable silence a while, and then Tsuki asked, "Are we going back to the Akatsuki lounge?"

"Hell no, I'm not going back in there for a week at least." Deidara shook his head. "They're all demons." (He's one to talk.)

"Then... where are we going?"

Deidara looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. "I'm going to my room. Blow an hour or two. You can come if you like." The one person in the Akatsuki who wasn't going to laugh his/her head off at the sight of him.

Tsuki accepted, and so Deidara showed her towards his room. Upon walking in, he noticed that, as always, his room was a mess. Not in the clutter everywhere sort of mess, but everything was singed or broken looking. He didn't care much for his belongings. Except the bookshelf, which was in a separate room, (so he didn't burn any of them) and his large collection of magazines, (in the same other room) nothing looked particularly presentable.

Tsuki didn't seem to mind. "Wow," she said. "How did everything get so burnt?"

Deidara grinned. "I can show you," he offered, fingering the clay he always kept by his side.

"Um, alright," Tsuki said, and sat down on the (burnt) couch. "Woo me."

Deidara smirked to himself. He grabbed some clay, not from the bag at his hip, but from a table he used for sculpting. (Explosive pottery... great gifts.) Taking some in his hand/mouth thing, (what do _you_ call it?) he turned towards Tsuki. "Are you afraid of loud noises?" He asked, although he didn't particularly care either way.

"I guess if they startle me," Tsuki said. "You're not going to... set something on fire, are you?"

"Not purposely..." Deidara trailed off, and produced from his hand a dragonfly. Tsuki's eyes widened with interest. The dragonfly took flight, and Tsuki watched it flutter lazily around the room, until it landed delicately on a hat stand (yard sale. He couldn't resist).

And there it exploded, with such a display of colors and such a racket that she thought she might explode along with it! (It went boom )

But no, in a matter of seconds it was calm again, and the hat stand didn't really work as a hat stand anymore. It was more of a hat stump. But still.

"Woah..." Tsuki commented, still staring mesmerized at the place where there used to be the top half of a hat stand.

And this turned into a fireworks display of such, although Deidara liked to think 'art exhibition'. But eventually, when Deidara had run out of tricks, (or tricks that wouldn't reduce his room to ashes), and Tsuki had oohed and aahed at all of his careful creations, he invited her back into the side cave slash alcove in which he kept his reading material.

"Wow... that's a lot of magazines." Tsuki whispered (because her ears were still ringing form the noise of the previous display).

"Yeah, I collect." Deidara explained, offering her the one beanbag chair with unusual hospitality. "And for that matter, supply for the rest of the Akatsuki." He rolled his eyes. (Eye?)

"Can I?" Tsuki asked, gesturing towards the organized pile of magazines.

"Sure, sure," Deidara waved his hand idly. "Whichever."

"Thanks!" Tsuki reached over and ended up grabbing a Mad magazine, and Deidara just sat down where he was and picked a book of the shelf that stood across from the magazines.

It was a romance novel.

Tuesday night (the 27th) the Akatsuki were called, once again, to eat together. It was take-out, as no one felt like cooking and would rather spend a few bucks. Except Kakuzu. Who decided he'd rather starve and had nothing on his plate.

"Pass the turkey."

Itachi ignored Hidan's request.

"I said, pass the # turkey!"

Itachi continued eating.

Hidan threw his fork at Itachi while swearing violently. Itachi caught it and held it hostage.

"Gimme my fork back."

Itachi ignored Hidan's request.

"Silly, aren't they," Luna said. Tsuki, who was sitting next to her, nodded.

"But won't they get hurt...?"

"Probably not," Luna said nonchalantly, helping herself to a little more potatoes. (I like potatoes.)

Tsuki watched as Hidan began throwing knives that he'd hidden under his cloak at Itachi, and Leader-san, from the head of the table, began yelling at Hidan for bringing them to the table. And Itachi dodged them all anyway. (He used Kakuzu's plate as a shield, because it was empty next to him.)

Having seen enough, Tsuki looked around the table again. There were so many interesting individuals... But the one that stood out the most was the man across from her. He had a flytrap growing out of his shoulders, or so she assumed, as his cloak managed to cover the roots. He wasn't eating; he was just staring blankly ahead of him.

Well, sort of.

He had two differently shaped and colored eyes. One was staring straight ahead, not really focused on anything, and the other was looking under the table. (Zets1 brought a magazine. Just to be clear, yes, it was Deidara's.) It was as if he was two different people.

Zets2 continued his stare ahead. The new girl was looking at him. And Zets1, he supposed, but he didn't particularly care. (They'd had a fight earlier about the very magazine Zets1 was reading, so he wasn't particularly happy with his other half at the moment. Which kind of confuses me. So I hope you're not lost.)

He looked up, and she blushed and looked away quickly. What a strange girl.

Zets1 laughed at an article in the magazine, startling Zets2 and giving Leader-san something else to shout about.

Dinner passed without much more event, but before anyone could get up, Konan (who had disappeared somewhere half way through, I suppose) came back in with a large sort of cake.

"Wait a minute, I thought you refused to cook for us tonight!" Kisame yelled from the far end of the table.

"I don't cook for you!" Konan yelled back. "I cook when I want to!"

"You're the only one who ever cooks!"

"Oh, because I'm a _girl_, I suppose?" Konan said angrily.

"Not so much that you're a girl, more that we're not!"

Konan threw the nearest heavy object at him. Despite the fact that the nearest heavy object was Tobi.

"What the- oww! Konan! He bit me!"

"Sorry!" Tobi clambered off the disgruntled fish-thing.

"Wait a minute," Hidan said. "How the # did he bite you? He's wearing a # mask!"

Kisame said nothing.

"So what's the occasion?" Leader-san asked, as Konan began cutting the cake.

"I thought it might be nice if we had something to welcome Tsuki," She said, having gotten over Kisame's remark.

"You're just happy to have someone to dress up." Kisame grumbled, still sore about having a Tobi chucked his direction.

"That's not true!" Konan glared at him. "I simply think that-"

"Just because Itachi wouldn't let you near Luna doesn't mean that-"

"Luna has nothing to do with this!" Konan screeched. (Wooo... mood swings.)

"O rly?"

"Ya rly!"

"Shut up and cut the cake." Deidara said, head in hands.

"Why doesn't _he_ cut the cake?" Konan seethed, pointing at Kisame. "Is it because he's not a girl? Is it?"

"No, it's because the last time he went near something sharp he was out of action for three days. Now cut."

Hidan took out his last knife.

"Not you, put it back."

"Aww..."

And in due time the cake was cut, and passed around. Kisame's slice was rather smaller than everyone else's, causing him to complain rather irritatingly.

Tsuki offered him some of her cake, but Konan glared at her in a 'don't you dare side with him' sort of way, and she decided it might be safer to just finish her cake.

After dinner everyone just sort of slipped off to the Akatsuki lounge, except Deidara, who stayed behind to wash all the dishes.

Tsuki sat in a chair in the corner next to Konan, who was zoned out listening to her headphones. Everyone seemed to be doing something, Zetsu was in a corner watching the wall, (well, the paint on the wall, but she doesn't know that) Tobi was playing with a yoyo, Hidan and Kakuzu were thumb wrestling, (Even though, once again, they both despise thumb wrestling.) and Itachi was curled up in front of a rough looking fireplace with Luna. Kisame was somewhere else.

Wait, no, he wasn't anymore, he walked in.

He walked automatically to the ping-pong table, because lately he'd taken to putting it against the wall and using the wall as his opponent. He picked it up to move it.

Something tapped his shoulder.

He jumped, dropping the table on his toe.

"Sht...what do you want." He asked, turning around to see Tsuki looking rather nervous behind him.

"I...um... do you want to play ping-pong?" She asked, looking down.

Kisame stared at her in amazement. "Hell yeah. Get over there, here's your paddle."

Tsuki, rather glad she'd asked, shuffled over to the opposing side of the ping-pong table.

"I'm not very good," She said.

"Prepare to die!" Kisame grinned.

However, Tsuki won, despite her many faults. Which drove Kisame nuts, because she was possibly even worse than Hidan. And as we all know, Hidan sucks at ping-pong. Zets2 watched.

"Ha ha, she sucks at ping pong." He said quietly.

"Yeah, so do you." Zets1 grumbled, staring determinedly at the wall.

"You're half my coordination."

"You have no coordination."

"You spell coordination like a Brit!" (1)

"Wait, what?" Zets1 said, astonished. "How does that relate to anything?"

"Sorry...Internet flash..."

Zets1 shook his head, shaking Zets2's head at the same time because that's how it works. "You and your internet flashes."

"Weren't you watching too?"

"I was trying my hardest not to."

"If you'd just pay attention...some of them are funny."

"Yeah. Yeah, I paid attention once, and al I got was a watermelon crashing into a wall and a never ending trip to mars." (2)

"Which was hilarious."

"Zeeky buggy doog."

Zets2 giggled.

"You idiot."

"Fleece snag jet!" Yelled Deidara from across the room, being that sort of person. (He had just come in, having broken about fifty dishes and granted reprieve of his chore)

"Aww, you couldn't blow up the whole world, give it up!" Zets1 yelled back.

"I blew up a personal world!" (3)

"Wait, what?"

"Exactly!"

"He didn't blow anything up, did he," Zets1 said doubtfully.

"Nope." Zets2 answered.

"What didn't he blow up?"

Zetsu (all of him) looked up. Apparently, Kisame had stormed out in resentment that he couldn't even beat the small new addition, (well...small to him. He's tall.) and left Tsuki to wander. And so she had come over and heard the end of the conversation.

Zets1 answered. "We're not really sure. Someone's world, apparently."

"He can blow up an entire world?" Tsuki said, rather amazed.

Zets2 frowned. "Naw, he likes to talk big."

Zets1 laughed. "Like that time he told everyone he had built a Kepla block pyramid and then claimed Tobi had knocked it down when we asked to see it."

Tsuki giggled despite herself, as it's rather hard not to hear something like that and not giggle. Admit it, you giggled a little. At least on the inside.

Konan came up behind Tsuki. "Hey!" she greeted them happily, and turned to Tsuki.

"Hey, do you have anything to sleep in?" she asked. Tsuki, realizing she hadn't really packed anything, shook her head embarrassedly.

"Great! I have some things you could use!" Konan said happily, and grabbed her arm. "Come on, let's see how they fit!"

Tsuki waved bye to Zetsu. "See you!"

Zets2 waved back, and Zets1 went back to staring at the wall, still smiling over Deidara's idiocy.

"So I have this great night gown, it'll look fabulous on you, because of the way your hair crops above your shoulders."

Tsuki, feeling that maybe she was a doll to Konan after all, resolved to give her the dusty bin of Barbies she'd played with at a young age. (If she got the chance to retrieve them...)

"...But if you prefer two piece pajamas, I have this green silk that's great for summer nights, except the top slips so don't wear it when anyone else is around. I'm okay though, you don't have to worry about me."

"Um...ok..." Tsuki said, feeling this would be a long night.

It was, but that's beside the point.

Capricornicopia- capricornicopia-capricornicopia- capricornicopia-capricornicopia- capricornicopia-capricornicopia- capricornicopia-capricornicopia- capricornicopia-capricornicopia

(1) Tiny plaid ninjas. Internet flash. If you haven't seen it, go look it up.

(2) Another Internet flash. Zeeky boogy doog, and fleece snag jet are from the same one. The Demented Cartoon Movie, it's half an hour of complete nonsense. Love.

(3) Just don't ask.

And that's chapter one. Thanks for reading, seriously. I've written the whole thing, so as soon as I'm asked or am decidedly bored the next will be up. Feel free to shoot questions, sorry if it was confusing.

Reviews are appreciated.


	2. Ending again

Okay, chapter two. Once again, credit to Kishimoto and Tsuki50. (Yes, I'm making up for the incredibly long opening last chapter.)

Ohmygodaburrito-ohmygodaburrito-ohmygodaburrito-ohmygodaburrito-ohmygodaburrito-ohmygodaburrito-ohmygodaburrito-ohmygodaburrito-ohmygodaburrito-ohmygodaburrito-ohmygodaburrito!!

The next morning, Tsuki was wearing what she had been wearing the day before. Even though no one but Deidara, Konan, Zetsu and Tobi noticed.

Chances were, sooner or later she'd need to visit home and pack a few things. Her toothbrush, for instance. Konan has offered to just get her a new one, but she didn't feel she could accept it.

"Alright," Konan said, addressing the topic of the paragraph above. "If you won't take Akatsuki's charity"- Deidara rolled his eyes – "Then someone's gotta escort you home to pack."

"Why can't I just go by myself?" Tsuki asked.

"What, are you nuts?" Deidara butted in. "We can't have you blabbing Akatsuki's secret location or anything to pretty much anybody, so we're making sure you don't."

"...That makes sense..."

"Of course it does!"

There was a silence.

"Well, the problem remains, who?" Konan said finally. "Fraid I can't, I was bullied into a game of _ping pong_."

Deidara shook his head in pity. "Kisame?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I can't either."

"What? Why?"

Deidara mumbled something.

"Sorry, didn't catch that." Konan said sweetly, holding a hand behind her ear.

"I promised mom I'd visit, okay?" Deidara whispered furiously.

Konan laughed, of course. "Deidara, you should just kill her or something."

Deidara snorted. "Yeah. And have dad come roaring after me."

Konan shook her head, still giggling. "Well, deal, then. Who else can we make go?"

They looked around. Hidan was bleeding profusely, which generally didn't look good out on the street. Kakuzu was counting his money, and he never responded to anything when he was counting his money. Itachi was...busy...

Luna was busy as well.

"Let's ask them." Deidara said, with a slightly bitter tone.

"Now, now, Deidara let sleeping dogs lie."

"He's not sleeping, he's sucking face! Can't we just drag him or something?"

"Well, he's calm. Let's leave him be."

Deidara muttered something under his breath that Konan didn't ask to hear.

"We could ask Kisame."

"If you can get him to leave with the prospect of ping-pong."

"We could ask Tobi."

"He'd get lost."

"We could ask Zetsu."

"He's busy staring at that wall again."

"He does that too often." Deidara said stubbornly. "That's it, we're making him go."

Zets1 looked up. "Making who go where?"

"You. Get up."

Zetsu glared at them.

Konan kicked him.

"Oww..." Grumbled Zetsu, but he got up.

And so it was that the two (um... three...?) found themselves meandering through the trees, the forest that sported the long and winding road that led to Tsuki's door.

For the first five minutes, there was no conversation. Just the crunching of the autumn leaves beneath their feet, and the occasional rustle of the branches above being shifted by the wind, or a passing squirrel.

Zetsu cleared his throat nervously. Tsuki looked up at him from where she had been watching the patterns of the crumbling leaves of the forest floor.

"So, uhm...You like ping-pong." Zets2 said lamely, having been slightly unnerved by the silence.

"It's ok." Tsuki said, rather intimidated by the silence as well. "I guess I like playing."

"I don't like ping-pong." Zets1 said abruptly.

"You don't like anything." Zets2 said.

"I like it when you're quiet." Zets1 said, but he stopped there as it didn't seem the moment to strike up an argument.

All three (or two. I really don't know.) searched in the silence for something to say. A pair of squirrels raced each other up a nearly bare tree. A bird cawed singularly, unseen.

"Where do you live, anyway?" Zets1 said, having realized he had no idea where he was escorting her.

"Oh, it's in the village up ahead of these woods. I used to come here when I was younger, you know? In spring. I used to visit a creek that runs through from the town through the forest."

"There's a creek?"

"Well, I suppose it's more like a small river, but it gets really shallow at points. You can wade right through it."

"I didn't know." Zets2 said, more to himself than to Tsuki. (Not to zets1 either. To make that clear.)

"I could...show you sometime."

Zets2 looked over at her. Forcing Zets1 to look to, as he'd turned his head. "Really?"

"Sure. It's not to far from here, actually."

"Couldn't we just go now, then?" Zets1 asked.

Tsuki considered this. "I suppose so. It doesn't matter if we take a bit longer than we would have."

Zetsu shrugged. "Lead the way."

And she did. Soon enough, you could hear the babble of water running over stones, and then you could see the brook itself. The water was shallow here, and clear enough to see every stone on the bottom. They were smoothed, having been run over and over by the rush of the river. The trees leaned over the water, one's branch nearly breeching the surface. There were a few larger boulders around the banks, upon which Tsuki and Zetsu took their seat.

"So," Tsuki said, gazing into the water. "What do you think?"

"It's quiet."

"Despite the creek and the wind."

"Naw, they're quiet too."

"Yeah, real silent. They give me a headache."

"I'd bash your head in if it weren't mine."

"So you say."

Zets2 opened his mouth to retaliate, but quieted himself as he remembered that Tsuki was there. He didn't feel like arguing with her there.

Zets1, surprised by the easy win, said nothing.

Tsuki, however, giggled. "Do you two always get along so well?"

Zets2 grinned in spite of himself. "That's one way to put it."

"Black and white, that's what you two are."

Zets1 rolled his eyes. "Oooh, a pun."

"I thought it was good." Zets2 told him.

"You like anything she says."

There was a sort of silence.

"...I don't..." Zets2 mumbled.

Zets1 didn't say anything.

Tsuki, blushing slightly, gave a nervous sort of laugh. "Half of what I say is nonsense," She protested anxiously. "It's..." She puttered out. "Yeah." She finished lamely, and looked down.

Zets1 rolled his eyes. Or his eye. (?) "If what you just said is any indicator, than a lot of what you say is nonsense. Snap out of it."

"Kay," Tsuki agreed timidly.

They spent another ten or fifteen minutes down by the riverbed, and got up to get Tsuki's stuff.

"This is it," Tsuki gestured towards an ordinary, suburban home. "I don't think anyone's home this time of day. I'll leave them a note, take my cell phone so they can reach me, and gather what I'll need. You can come in, if you like..." she had already reached the door, and held it open for Zetsu. He walked in.

"The kitchen, the sitting room, hall down to the bedrooms. Mine is here." Tsuki said, opening the door decorated with 'stay out' signs and a stain from once when she'd tripped carrying a mug of hot chocolate. (She wasn't aloud to drink it in her room any more.)

Zetsu looked around. The walls weren't completely covered, but there was the generally clutter of posters and pictures hung here and there. There were a few stuffed animals and several anime looking plushies lying innocently on the bed, but the majority of them- anime and animal- sat in the corner, atop a green beanbag that looks as though it were made of Jeans material. In a corner was a case that looked as though it held an instrument of sorts, and a music stand. Last, a chest of drawers, which Tsuki was now leafing through to pull out clothes, and a bookshelf. Half of it was manga.

Zets1 contented himself with looking around at the walls and the books while Tsuki packed, and Zets2 watched her pack. She brought a few books as well, including one that Zets1 had been looking at so he could read it.

"Alright, I think that's everything," Tsuki announced at last, carrying a backpack and a duffle. "I tried not to take too much, but I just had to have a few things, and some are necessities." She hesitated, looking back into the room. "Should I have brought my flute?"  
"You play?" Zets2 asked, and Zets1 shrugged. Tsuki nodded.

"Yeah. I'm not a genius or anything, but I'm okay."

"Then bring it," Zets2 said. "And if you're horrible, I'm sure we could at least drive Kisame insane."

"Okay, um, I'll be right back." And Tsuki put her bags down and ran to get her instrument case. (And music stand/music.)

"And how is she going to carry it?" Zets1 asked, exasperation playing in his tone.

"Not a problem."

"Woah, wait, you're going to _carry_ it for her, aren't you," Zets1 accused.

"Why not. It's not like I'm carrying anything, I might as well make myself useful."

"I'm not touching it."

"Like I'm not strong enough to carry it myself."

"You've got one arm, if I don't help."

"One very strong arm."

Zets1 snorted.

Zets2 muttered something about slugging him.

Tsuki came back out with her flute, packed into the case Zetsu had seen earlier. She also had two books of music, which she tucked into her duffle bag, and a music stand, which could be folded up and squeezed next to the music. But the flute was too large to fit, stuffed as the bag already was.

Zets2, as expected by a disapproving Zets1, held out a hand. "I'll take it." He said.

Tsuki blushed. "It's fine, I can carry it, it's not that heavy-"

But Zets2 had taken it from her hand, and as it was just the instrument, had no trouble carrying it without Zets1's help.

Later that evening, when all was said and done, except for Sasuke still hadn't killed Itachi, or even scratched him, and Hidan was still a freak, and a bunch of other stuff hadn't happened either, Zetsu was sitting in a chair in his room. His room was more of a jungle, though, because he kept the thing overgrown with all sorts of vines and leafy vegetation. It made him feel less bizarre.

He just stared at the ceiling a while, the radio playing. Linkin Park.

Zets1 wasn't saying anything, and didn't even seem to be listening to the music. Which was odd, because he really liked Linkin Park. Whether or not he told anyone. Finally, he spoke-

"You _like_ her, don't you."

Zets2 shrugged (nervously). "She's okay."

"No, you _like _like her."

Zets2 didn't say anything.

"Man, I can't believe you," Zets1 hissed at him. "She just moved in, what are you thinking?"

"That she has nice hair."

"What, that's it? You like her hair, so you wanna go snog her?"

"I didn't say that."

"I thought we liked Luna." Zets1 said quietly, with an air of a pouting child.

Zets2 sighed. "Look, she's _married, _for heaven's sake. And you know I gave up on her even before that."

Zets1 made frustrated noises.

"And Itachi still beat us up every time we came within five feet of her."

"True. But still..."

"Why can't I like her?" Zets2 asked.

"Wait, who are we talking about now?"

"Tsuki."

"Why can't you like her?"

"Yeah. Why not."

"Because... you just can't, okay?"

Zets2 didn't say anything.

"You just can't." Zets1 repeated.

"She has nice hair." Zets2 mumbled in defense.

A couple days passed, as days tend to do when nothing happens, and... um... yeah.

We join back up in the Akatsuki lounge, the only thing out of the ordinary is... well... everyone... (Can you honestly call the Akatsuki ordinary?)

But seriously.

"What time is it...?" Hidan groaned, having been sitting on the couch for about three hours with nothing to do.

"Who knows, who cares." Itachi said from the game table, a few feet away, playing cards with Luna.

"You don't have a watch, do you."

"Don't want one."

Hidan shook his head, mumbling about idiots. "Kakuzu, you like shiny things, do you have a watch?"

"...Yeah."

"And?"

"It's time you shut up."

"It's time your face shut up!"

Deidara groaned audibly from the corner. "Why don't you both shut up?"

"Just cuz your face isn't-"

Deidara gave him a look.

"Gawd, what crawled up your #&," Hidan muttered.

Deidara didn't dignify with a response.

Zetsu got up and walked out of the room. He didn't particularly feel like listening to the shallow twitterings of an ordinary evening. (For the Akatsuki, of course.) And, having nowhere else to go, he ended up in his room. He'd been retreating there more than usual these days, the quiet seemed like a blessing.

Zets1 hadn't brought up Luna or Tsuki over the past few days. In fact, he'd been giving Zets2 a sort of silent treatment, except it wasn't working because he kept forgetting he was supposed to be acting on the cold shoulder.

Zets2 hadn't forgotten. He remained stubborn to his resolution, and had decided he had to somehow make Zets1 fall in love with her too.

Because relationships don't work if you don't give your all. (That is, if you leave half out.)

But at this particular moment, Zets1 was determinedly ignoring Zets2, so there was nothing to be done.

Something sounded from a nearby cave, causing Zets1 to jump. Which shouldn't make sense, as Zets2 didn't jump, but it has to make sense because otherwise we can't move on with the story. So onward we move.

"Calm down," Zets2 muttered. "The scary sound won't get you."

Zets1 scowled, but remained suspicious.

The sound turned into less of a sound, and more of a melody. It was a pleasant melody, to be sure. Zets2 smiled. "See, look, it's only Tsuki on her flute."

Zets1 continued to glare. "How do you know it's Tsuki? It could be Hidan. Or Deidara. He always did like girly things."

(In the Akatsuki lounge, Deidara looks up confusedly. "For some reason, I feel like punching Zetsu.") (1)

"Come on, they're all in the lounge."

"You don't know that."

"I know that Tsuki's room is right there."

"How do you know that??"

"Oh, please. She was walking in the other night."

"She could have been...exploring or something."

"Yup. With her duffle bag and everything else she brought."

Zets1 didn't say anything. Which zets2 didn't mind, because it meant he got to listen to Tsuki's flute. It wasn't a song he knew, but he didn't think he'd mind getting to know it.

He half expected Zets1 to interrupt, do something loud and obnoxious so he didn't have to listen to Tsuki's flute, but he didn't.

The next morning, there were pancakes for breakfast. No one was quite sure how they had gotten there, but there they were. (Not because they are magic pancakes. Because I am too lazy to specify how the Akatsuki got their hands on pancakes. ...You know what? Sure. They're magical pancakes. Magical _blueberry_ pancakes)

Leader-san had made them all eat together, with the assurance that if they came they wouldn't have to come to dinner that night. So they all came.

They were good pancakes, Tsuki thought, they weren't bland; even when there was no blueberry in the bite. There was orange juice, too. (It wasn't magical orange juice. Leader-san had went out and gotten some. Yes, of course it was stolen. Rolls eyes)

Zetsu wasn't eating. Not that he normally would have ignored blueberry pancakes, (let alone magical blueberry pancakes), because everyone loves pancakes. And that includes weird bipolar plant beings. But Zets2 was just watching Tsuki and wondering how he was supposed to get Zets1 to love her, and Zets1 was worrying that Zets2 would succeed. He didn't like the idea of loving someone else. But Zets2 knew him better than anyone else. Which is no surprise. If anyone could suede him, it was Zets2.

It was just then that Kisame choked on a magical blueberry.

Itachi, who was sitting next to him, just rolled his eyes and kept eating.

"Gwaawp..." Kisame said, falling off his chair. (Gwaawp gwaawp gwaawp...Yay) (2)

Luna pulled a thin wooden rod from her robes (Akatsuki colored robes- Yay) and flicked it in Kisame's direction, and he sat up.

"You could have just let him die," Itachi told her, but he was grinning. (Just a little, though. This is still Itachi; married or not.)

Despite the fact that Kisame had just nearly choked to death, breakfast went on.

Except Tsuki wasn't really hungry any more.

"I'll... just excuse myself," She said to no one in particular, not really knowing if she was supposed to have permission. No one objected, however, so she stood up, pushed in her chair, and left the table. (The dishes are left on the table for whoever's on dish duty.)

"I'm finished too," Zets2 said, and hurried to get up.

"What the- I'm not!" Zets1 grumbled, trying to sit back down, resulting in what looked like a seizure.

"You haven't touched anything." Zets2 told him, and in the end he managed to drag himself after Tsuki.

Okay, a quick apology to anyone else who was thoroughly confused by that.

Tsuki didn't have a set destination in mind, she had thought she might just retreat to her room and read a magazine of Deidara's she'd borrowed. So that's where she was, in her room, sitting on a comfy looking chair Deidara'd acquired cough- stolen- cough for her. She had a portable CD player as well, courtesy of Itachi, who was throwing out his old one anyway. (He didn't, however, give up a single CD.) Which was, incase of confusion, playing at the moment.

And that's where she was when Zetsu poked his head in. (Zets1 was still grumbling about breakfast.)

"Oh, Hi, Zetsu!" Tsuki greeted him, gesturing that he should come in and taking out one of her headphones. "What brings you here?"

Zets1 rolled his eyes (eye.), But Zets2 shrugged. "Dunno." He said.

"Well, I don't suppose you'd like to stay a while, then," Tsuki offered, gesturing towards a chair. Zetsu took it.

Zets1 looked up, down, anywhere but at Tsuki, and Zets2 stared right at her. (Do I even need to point at the bizarre effect?) "Thanks," Zets2 said. Zets1 remained silent and disgruntled.

"Are you okay?" Tsuki asked, looking pointedly at Zets1. Zets2 shrugged.

"Sort of. Let him be."

"Okay, then," Tsuki said, but she still looked a little worried. Then she seemed to realize something. "Oh!" she said, and unplugged her earphones from the CD player sitting nearby. "I have speakers, actually, courtesy of Deidara! He gave them to me yesterday. I can play this out loud." She took another cord from a drawer and a pair of miniature speakers, and plugged the two into the C player. Hitting a few buttons, chords began.

Zets2 grinned. This was too perfect.

Zets1 grimaced. This was too perfect...

Tsuki was playing Linkin Park.

"So, you like Linkin Park?" Zets2 asked casually, but he knew Zets1 was listening.

"Yeah, they're one of my favorites," Tsuki said happily. "I bought this CD yesterday, Itachi let me tag along to the record store." (He was looking for The Clash)

"What a coincidence," Zets2 smirked. "Zets1 likes Linkin Park as well."

"Zets_who_?"

"Him." (Zets2 pointed)

"Oh."

(What would YOU call your other half person?)

"Zets...1," Tsuki said, rather confused by the use of numbers and rather relieved for a way to address them. "You like Linkin Park?"

Zets1 glared at her sarcastically. "No, Zets2 was lying."

"You were lying?" Tsuki turned her surprised gaze to Zets2.

"Of course he wasn't," Zets1 exclaimed in exasperation.

"Then you _do_ like Linkin Park."

"...And what if I do."

"Well, that's great! It's always fun to find people who like the same things as you."

"I suppose," Zets1 said stiffly, but Zets2 was satisfied. He'd break... just you wait... (And at the very moment I type that, 'Thnks Fr Th Mmrs' by fall out boy comes on and sings 'I'm gonna make it bend and break'. Pheh.)

A couple more days passed, Hidan continued to be a freak, Itachi continued to be alive and well, Kisame continued to suck at ping-pong worse than Hidan, Deidara continued hanging around Tsuki whatever chance he was given, and Zets2 continued to drag a resisting Zets1 into the pit of despair known as 'love'. Oh, yes, and Tobi found a dragonfly, somehow put a leash on it, and had been tugging it along with him and calling it martin.

Despite of himself, Zets1 had lately noticed the small things, little habits that Tsuki had. She would ­­­­­­­­­­­sing to herself when there wasn't any music playing. Once he even saw her dancing. She snorted a little when she laughed. It made her seem Human. But he didn't particularly feel like eating her. He had felt like eating Luna. But he hadn't wanted to eat her, too. Was that how this was? No. Tsuki didn't look particularly tasty. She looked more like something decorative that only looks like food.

Kind of like the stuffed deer above the mantle.

And he supposed she did have nice hair. ...A little bit.

"So," Zets2 asked him one evening, as they sat beside each other (duh) on the stained sofa near the dried paint splotch, "Can I like her yet?"

"What?" Zets1 had been half asleep, dreaming Tobi had turned his and Zets2's room into a petting zoo.

"Tsuki," Zets2 said. "Can I like her now?"

Zets1 stared a minute, before remembering. "No." He said stubbornly.

"Well, that's unfair." Zets2 paused a moment. "And I doubt you're only jealous."

"Wait, what?" Zets1 said incredulously.

"How come I can't like her, but you can?"

"Now you're just playing with me. I refuse to answer."

"You're avoiding the point."

"No, I'm avoiding you, freakazoid."

"Vice versa. Now out with it."

"That's not even a saying."

"Does it need to be?"

"Yes."

"_No use crying over spilt milk_, then, I suppose." Zets2 said through slightly gritted teeth.

Zets1 didn't answer.

"So, then, I can like her." Zets2 said, sounding as though he were positive.

"Certainly not!" Zets1 said loudly, attracting the attending of a rather befuddled Hidan, who was feeling slightly tipsy from losing blood faster than he could regenerate. (I assume he has no problem with blood loss, but if he got rid of it to quick it might make him lightheaded...)

"What?" Zets1 commanded, and Hidan turned back to where he'd been pricking himself out of nervous habit. (It's like twiddling your thumbs, only emo!)

"So I can't like her?"

"Yes."

"Yes, I can like her?"

"No, yes you can't like her!"

"So... no, yes. Yes I can like her?"

"No!"

"No what?"

"Stop that!"

"No."

"Gaah!"

Now, at this moment, but over on a different sofa, two more people sat contentedly, watching the flames from the roughly created fireplace entwine merrily with each other.

"You know," Luna said suddenly. "The smaller log, there," -she pointed into the fire- "Looks a bit like a lizard."

Itachi looked at the fire, where Luna's fingers seemed to lead.

He turned his head.

He squinted.

"It might." He said finally, giving up.

Luna smiled vaguely. "I don't know if I ever told you, there's a Salamander known to my world that lives in fire. They're so heat resistant that not only does it not bother them, they enjoy it."

Itachi couldn't help but smile as well. "I don't think you ever did tell me that one," He said. "Surprisingly enough." She was so... He didn't even know anymore. Had there ever been a time when words could describe Luna Lovegood? He reached out instinctively and pulled her towards him, so he was supporting her. She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder.

And of course Deidara chooses this moment to come and break the lovely Lunitachi fluff this fanficiton had been lacking.

"Hey."

Itachi looked up, keeping his arm rested around Luna's shoulders. "Hey." He returned the greeting. Luna looked up as well. Deidara looked over at her.

"Luna," He said. "I need a favor. Can you come with me?"

Itachi's eyes narrowed slightly, out of reflex. Deidara noticed, and laughed, acidity coloring his amusement. "You flatter me. How could I have a chance, even?"

Itachi didn't answer, or show that he'd heard in any way other than to slide his arm from around Luna.

She pulled herself nimbly to her feet, and with a final stroke of Itachi's hand, followed Deidara from the room.

Once the two were a passage or two down from the lounge, where they could not be overheard, Deidara turned and stopped her. Luna looked up at him expectantly, and he recognized rather nostalgically the look of revived trust he thought he might not deserve. Oh well.

Deidara pulled from inside his cloak (Yay inside pockets!) a small, decorative envelope. He looked at it peculiarly, and then at Luna. "Can you give this to someone for me," He asked.

"It depends entirely on who you imply." Luna replied considerately.

"Tsuki, actually," Deidara explained, and held out the envelope for her to receive.

Luna took the envelope and flipped it over. Sure enough, written in an untidy script, was Tsuki's name. "Are you giving her a love letter?" Luna asked innocently, with the strange ability she had to see clearly.

Deidara opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. "Yes," he said finally. "I suppose that's what this is."

"You should give it to her yourself," Luna told him, holding it back out.

Slight frustrating perked. "Yes, but then I'd have to be there as she read it, and that's not on my list."

"But not being there seems insincere, to some people. Delivering it yourself is... more traditional, I suppose." Luna gestured again that he should take back the envelope.

"If you don't give it to her I'll throw it away."

Luna watched his face a minute, and shook her head. "You wouldn't throw it away. Why won't you give it to her, though?"

Deidara frowned. This wasn't the topic he wanted, nor the person he wanted to discuss this with.

"You don't have to say," Luna assured him, but she didn't turn to leave.

"I don't want..." Deidara began, and paused. "I don't want her to hand it back to me." He finalized delicately.

Luna somewhere realized that she might have been responsible for the hesitation, but let that go, as this was a conversation for support, instead of apologies. "You could go halfway," Luna suggested, "And leave it somewhere for her to find, and then there wouldn't be the medium of asking someone else to deliver."

Deidara was quiet a moment. "I suppose." He took back the envelope, hesitantly, as though he were signing his soul to the devil. Which I'm pretty sure he did years ago.

"Do you love her?" Luna asked, as he tucked away the envelope with resignation.

"That's a rather personal question."

"Is it?" Luna asked. "I didn't mean to pry, then." She turned at last to regain her place beside the fire, and as she walked away from him, Deidara smiled slightly to himself.

"Yeah, I love her!" He called, just loud enough.

Luna smiled.

Tsuki sighed. Today had been exhausting, the mission she had been sent to tag along on had been merely reconnaissance, but had included getting there. Which was about seven miles each way, and she'd had to go fast as she could manage to keep up. Which she couldn't anyway. So she'd slowed everyone else down, which had simply lowered the spirits of everyone and risen the tempers.

However, it was over now, and she was sprawled across an armchair watching the ceiling. Her legs were sore and tired, but she felt accomplished. At least she'd been doing something, whether or not it was helpful. She probably wouldn't be sent on any more missions.

She hoisted herself up at long last and walked...or limped, I suppose...towards her CD player, sitting on her bedstand table. She sat down on her bed and dug out her CD case, taking out the one she waned. She balanced that one CD on her knee, and opened her CD player.

Inside was a folded, decorated (slightly) envelope.

Tsuki pulled it out, and set her CD player back on the bedstand. She unfolded it, opened it, and smoothed out the note inside.

_Dear Tsuki,_ It began.

As Tsuki's eyes scanned the relatively short message, a hysterical blush seemed to seep from somewhere around her ears and washed through her expression. The CD on her knee fell with a clatter to the floor, and Tsuki barely noticed. (Don't worry, it wasn't scratched)

Voices from the nearby hallway, Tsuki barely heard them.

"I could walk you to your room."

"That's okay, go on ahead. There's something I need to take care of anyway."

"Alright. Goodnight, then."

A brief pause.

"Goodnight."

Tsuki, back in her frantic stupor, only looked up when there was a knock on the side of her open doorway. Luna was in the doorway, relatively unsurprised by Tsuki's current expression. (Somewhere between choking and on fire.)

"Are you alright?" She asked, coming in without invitation.

Tsuki nodded helplessly. "Only I just got a letter."

"Deidara?"

Tsuki nodded again.

"Are you going to return his feelings?"

Tsuki didn't do anything. She seemed to be struggling with some internal foe. "Give me some time to think about it." she said at last.

Luna nodded. "Just thought you might like someone to talk to."

Tsuki smiled in appreciation, but the smile didn't reach her eyes, which were still pondering the message in her hands.

And by morning (Not Luna's fault.) the news had spread of Deidara's letter. The whole Akatsuki knew. Yup. Turns out Kisame had been messing in what business wasn't his once again.

"Hey Deidara."

"Hey..."

"-Snicker-"

Deidara narrowed his eyes. Hidan giggled some more. (Yes, giggled.) He opened his mouth as though to say something, and ended up just laughing. Deidara walked away, with a bad feeling about the day.

And walking into the lounge that morning turned out to be the worst decision he'd ever made. (Well...)

Everyone stared at him, excepting Zetsu, who was in his flytrap, Tsuki, who was gratefully somewhere else, and Luna, who was reading a book.

Then someone (Kakuzu) yelled, "Oh my god, you wrote her a freakin' love letter!" and most everyone was laughing. Except Luna, who didn't find it all that funny, and Itachi, who wanted to, but had a feeling he wasn't in a position to make fun. (Y'know, married and all. Woah.)

Hidan walked in after Deidara, still laughing, and whacked Deidara playfully on the back. "You think you're smooth, eh?" he choked out.

Deidara was stiffer than he could ever remember being, and wanted desperately to turn around and run as far away as he could, but had a bit too much pride for that. He moved his feet, stapled to the ground though they were, and sat in a deserted chair, and ignored the oncoming jabs by use of grabbing the nearest magazine.

He managed to uphold his dignity all day, despite the fact that the only thing that went right was that Tsuki managed to stay in her room all day. Things went wrong, though, including an issue of his favorite magazine not showing up when he had expected it, a 'care package' from his mother showed up then of ALL days, and happened to include a stuffed rabbit he'd had when he was about three, (with a note attached- 'thought you might want this') and tonight was an Akatsuki dinner, so he had to spend the evening in company as well. With every hour, his rage and general emotion became harder to suppress.

As I mentioned earlier, Zetsu was in his flytrap. Why? Well, Zets2 was depressed, because Deidara had gotten there first, and Zets1 claimed to have a headache. He'd been crabby all morning.

"Do you think she'll say yes?" Zets2 mumbled mournfully for the tenth time, and Zets1 bristled. Again.

"Of course not. Why the-" Zets1 swore "-would she say yes to the son of a-" more swearing.

"Well... He has nice hair. And is handsomer. And generally makes a better impression. And you're always rude to her. And-"

"Don't you _dare_ pin this on me." Zets1 hissed with such force that Zets2 actually stopped.

The two sulked together in silence for a good half hour, before Zets2 spoke again.

"She'll say yes." He said, his tone portraying a great deal of held emotion. "She'll say yes, and every day he'll kiss her good morning and then again every night. They'll hold hands. And they'll hug each other." His voice was thick, hiding tears or whatever it is plants cry.

"You shouldn't." Zets1 whispered hoarsely. He didn't manage to say anything else.

"And you know what the worst part is?" Zets2 said haltingly.

Zets1 didn't say anything.

"She won't hug us." His voice broke, and, although Zets1 couldn't see them, he felt the tears (or whatever it is plants cry) slip past whatever border held them. He closed the flytraps slightly tighter, so no one would see. And just sat there while zets2 cried quietly. (so that's what only one of them crying looks like.)

Dinner came. Deidara looked down at his plate, ignoring the periodic glances in his direction. No one was saying anything; they could sense his tension and were suppressing grins, wondering when he would break.

Deidara was in turmoil. He was almost as bad as Zetsu, who sat at the table, but only barely opened his flytrap. (He would have closed it, but Pein insisted.) He wanted to cry, but he knew that he wasn't supposed to. Crying wasn't acceptable among men. Or murderers. Women could cry, if they wanted to, and no one thought less of them. But men had to hold their grief, because that was the strong thing to do. And so he held his frustration, his helplessness.

Tsuki would laugh as well, to go along with the crowd if nothing else. She would tell him no, and he would forever be a laughing stock.

He wished he'd never given her that letter.

Itachi sighed. This was way to quiet. "Pass the turkey." He said, turning to Luna.

Luna passed the turkey, and eventually babbly broke out among the wanted men.

Dinner was a slow process, and time slowed as much as it ever had before. And at the end of the dinner, Deidara needed to go. Anywhere. He stood up abruptly, the first of the men to rise, and made his way out into the hall.

To his horror, Tsuki excused herself and followed him. (Not knowing the whole Akatsuki had figured it out.)

A little ways down the hall, Tsuki stepped up to the fleeing Deidara, grabbed his sleeve to stop him. "D-deidara," she began.

"Shut up." Deidara whispered, in the voice a kicked puppy might use. "Go away."

Tsuki stopped, confused. "What?" she asked cautiously.

"Go away!" Deidara said, louder, and all the emotion he'd bottled up poured through his expression and left Tsuki stunned. She realized she'd dropped her hand from his cloak; she lifted it back to comfort him.

"Don't touch me!" He nearly yelled, in a strangled, hurt voice. He slapped her hand away, with more force than was necessary, and turned tail.

Tsuki stood in the hall, feeling very alone, and very sad. She lifted a hand to her face, she hadn't realized, but somewhere tears had started. She hadn't meant to hurt him like that. And she didn't even know how she'd done it.

Now, a quick lapse into what the Akatsuki was doing- eavesdropping, of course.

Zetsu was listening closest of all, buds of hope and resentment to his own desire to see Deidara pushed back and away blossoming. (Wouldn't that be funny if he actually had flowers growing on him?)

Luna listened as well. She didn't know quite what to do, but knew one thing. Someone had to stop the rest of the Akatsuki from making the situation worse. She pulled out her wand. Itachi raised an eyebrow, and she gestured towards the Akatsuki to show she was going to stop them.

Luna stepped out of the room, bringing Itachi with her, and raised her wand to seal off the room so the rest of them couldn't escape, but she saw Zetsu's face. (He had his flytrap opened a little wider)

She let him out as well.

And ignored everyone else.

Deidara fled as far as he could, gaining speed as he gained distance. (I hate science) He finally broke, stumbled, fell, and propped himself up against a rock. He looked at the blossoming stars in the barely dark sky, and cried.

No one could hear him, or reach him here. So he cried. He holed himself up and cried, for everything that had happened, for everything he'd said, for everything he'd ever done. He cried because he had been ridiculed. He cried because he felt alone. He cried because he couldn't seem to hold on to anything. But most of all, he cried because he had acted to horribly to Tsuki. She hadn't deserved that. She hadn't deserved to have been brought into the Akatsuki at all, that was his fault too.

He cried until his tears dried, and his breathing evened. He cried until he couldn't anymore. He looked back into the sky, feeling empty, but on the whole, better.

Hasn't anyone told you? A good cry had healing powers.

Someone touched his back, he turned, startled, and Luna stood behind him. He looked away.

She sat down beside him. "I'm sorry," she murmured, and put her hand on his arm. They just sat there, and Deidara was reminded of his old babysitter. She had been...interesting. Taught him all he knew. (Hence Akatsuki. Get the gist?) But he'd respected her, even loved her. (Oh, can it, he was like eight.) When he got hurt, she never apologized or fussed, she'd just put her hand on his head and wait till he swallowed the pain and then move on.

And after a while, Luna spoke again. "Do you want to talk to Tsuki?" she asked, and he shook his head.

"I screwed up." He said. "I screwed the whole thing up."

"Yes," she said. "But we all do that, don't we."

"I blew it, though. That's it, isn't it. I don't get a second chance." He said this more to himself than to Luna, and smiled grimly. "I screwed up." He repeated resignedly.

Luna shook her head. "That's for you to decide." She held out her hand. "Let's go back to the caves. You can't live here."

Deidara sighed. He took her hand, and as she led him back to the cave entrance where Itachi stood waiting, and decidedly not mocking, she whispered to him.

"Tis better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all."

Tsuki, during this episode, was not quite as bad as Deidara; but had wound up a lot of courage to come talk to him and was surprised and sad that she had been treated so roughly, and very confused, which amplified the whole thing. She walked numbly down the hall, to go to her bedroom and mull thing over, but was stopped halfway there. It was Zetsu.

She hastily tried to cover her eyes to hide the tear stains she was sure were there, but Zetsu just held her arm down. And so, instead of hiding her tears, they started again even harder. She didn't know why. But suddenly she was crying, the way she hadn't done for years, she thought, and buried her head instinctively in Zetsu's cloak.

Zetsu put his arms around her, and tried to be comforting while having no clue if it was working.

When Tsuki had finished crying, (which didn't take that long, if you give Deidara's spiel a thought), She at first didn't move. Because it had occurred to her just then that she was very comfortable.

Peeking up, sure enough, it was Zetsu who was beside her.

She looked back down and stayed where she was.

Zetsu, whilst holding Tsuki, was having a silent conversation with himself. And by such I mean they were talking quietly enough that they were the only ones who could hear. Such close proximity helps.

"Please?"

Zets1 didn't say anything. He was looking down at Tsuki, who was shaking slightly.

"You can't stand to see her like that."

Zets1 continued to watch her.

"We could keep her..."

Zets1 looked frustratedly down at the girl in their arms. She seemed smaller, somehow, than she had been. Well, he supposed, someone needed to make sure she didn't get hurt.

"Please?" Zets2 repeated. "Please, Zets1..."

Zets1 mumbled something so quietly that not even Zets2 could hear.

"Mm?" Zets2 whispered with baited breath.

"Yes." Zets1 said finally. "Yes, please, let's keep her."

Zets2 broke into such a large smile that I don't want to explain about half a face vs. the whole face. He pulled Tsuki a little bit closer.

And Zets1 mirrored.

That night, there were a few things out of the ordinary. Zetsu stayed in Tsuki's room, to keep her company. (It was her request, but Zetsu was more than happy to comply.) Luna didn't want Deidara to have to be alone, and offered to stay with him. Deidara had agreed, because he didn't want to be alone either. Itachi came too, because there was no way in hell he was letting them spend the night together _alone_. Deidara didn't fuss, he knew he wouldn't get a word in anyway. Tobi, actually, ended up coming in, in the middle of the night complaining of nightmares, but no one bought it. Deidara was grateful, however.

Konan, who hasn't been mentioned for a while, ended up sleeping with the rest of the Akatsuki, forgotten in the dining room.

And that's the peaceful ending. Maybe not so happy, as once again poor Deidara had his heart broken. But, as consolation, Tsuki and Zetsu ended up officially dating a week or two later, and lived happily ever after.

Mischief managed.

lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-lemonsconepwnage-

(1) Naruto abridged reference ahoy!

(2) Gwaawp... an acquaintance on Deviantart gave me license to use this idea. I just liked it. (It tickled mah fancy.)

...sniff

I'm sorry, Deidara.

I'll make up for it...somehow...

Alright, despite my horrible treatment of a certain ninja, what did you think?


End file.
